Po For President
In 2008, we were all caught up by the Presidential Elections. Not knowing which candidate to vote for, I decided to do the only thing any other red-blooded American would do, I turned to social media and ran my self.
First of all I would like to take a minute and tell you where I stand on many key issues, and why I would be the perfect choice for the next President of the United States.
Financial Crisis
This is simple. Just the other day I emptied my pop bottle full of loose change. I found over 800 billion dollars. So I will help bailout the homeowners with this money. But you have to wait for me to sort through it. Does anyone have quarter wrappers?
Health Care
I know this is a four-letter word for many. Luckily, I have taken it upon myself to start flooding the US with Vampires. By allowing each and every citizen to be bitten, there will be no need for health care because there will be no sickness. I have advisors working on the whole needing blood thing, we will get this resolved.
Energy Crisis
I believe that if oil has run this country into the ground. So, I have Detroit working on the first man-powered car. A lightweight compact you will be able to put your legs through, and pick it up like the Flintstones. This should reduce our reliance on foreign oil by 75%.
Foreign Policy
There is no worries with this because I have played and won several RISK tournaments as well as negotiating with Chinese store owners on Canal Street. Bought a watch for $15.
War on Terror
I have laid the gauntlet down to Osama Bin Laden in a no holds barred, winner takes all John Madden Football game on XBox 360. If...when he loses, he agreed to NO longer practice terrorism.
Domestic Policy
I have the keen business sense to lead us into the future. I not only have played Monopoly I have had hotels on both Park Place and Boardwalk at the same time.
Raisins
As President I will make sure that raisins keep to themselves and stop trying to infiltrate other delicious foods, such as chocolate and cookies.
Home Mortgages
For those that have defaulted on these ARM loans from renegade banks, I have a plan. Each family will be given a spacious tent and land within Northern California's most glorious vineyards and all the wine they wish to drink.
Free Trade with China
We want to create an open exchange with China. We will do this by drilling a large whole into the ground all the way to China. When we would like to trade with them, we just drop it in the hole. Consider it like the tubes at the drive-thrus at the bank.
National Debt
We're in luck on this one. We currently have a several teams scouring the nation in search of a black X that we found on a treasure map in my grandpa's attic.
Transportation
We are throwing tons of money to advance the development of a transporter, eliminating lines at airport security. This will revolutionize this country.
Stem Cell Research
Ask yourself where you stem from? We say the vine. Therefore, we believe in Vine Cell research. We will continually research and develop only the best grapes to assure you the very best in drink and snack satisfaction.
Domestic Relations
It is a continuing goal of our platform to provide clean and fresh mouths across America. We will lookout for fresh breath from sea to shining sea by providing each household with a supply of "Icebreakers Mints" From Cinnamon to Peppermint, Iced Tea to Sours, diversity and communication are the defining names of this game. Feel free to swing by presidential row at our campaign headquarters and sample them for yourself!
The official site: http://www.facebook.com/groups/edit.php?officers&gid=28943968825#/group.php?gid=28943968825